Lately, I've been discussing the many subjects encompassed by 'America' with some uber-conservative Frenchman in California over the internet. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure why we don't hate each other yet. We speak (debate) nearly every day, and I still do not know his name. It's strange, but I enjoy it in a sort of maddening way.
At least I know I can hold my own in debate for Oxford. My fear of the place is essentially rooted in:
1. The latent idea that I won't be able to adhere to Oxford educational standards enough to really get anything out of it
2. Everything about my tutorial with a full-fledged Shakespearan scholar
3. The isolation that constantly existed for me around groupings of people in high school, and whatever assumptions of the majority went with them
4. That everyone will be like Lisa Lenard (A girl from my class who's going with me on the trip. She got kicked out of private preschool for beating up classmates with a sterling silver rattle. Let's just say she hasn't progressed much.)
Of course, everything will be fine and I'll have the time of my life. My brain knows this, so most of the time, it convinces the rest of me to have a sturdy assertion of confidence in the entire matter. But the fear gets paralyzing at times.
What I am actually not fearing is my University of Iowa orientation, which I leave for on Sunday. I'm excited.
It's late at night, so apologies if I sound like a pretentious bastard in an attempt to be articulate through the haze of sleep. I need some melatonin, and something to write that isn't bitchy.
2 comments:
I like you. I am also terrified. Mostly just of the entire plane ride to China being a ridiculously drawn out description of one single episode of Robot Chicken.
So I was given the opportunity to go to Texas in July, mm?
- Amy Ribbit
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